So, I guess we're friends now
- Danielle Hughes
- 1 day ago
- 3 min read
The struggle is real
If I have to read another article about how hard it is to make friends as an adult, I’ll scream. I simply haven’t found this to be true and in fact, I find it easier. As an adult I’m more self-assured and confident. I have more interests and hobbies that put me in proximity with other adults who share the same. And as a business owner, I’m always meeting other business owners who genuinely want to get to know me.
I also know who I am. So there’s no pretense. And of course, I have friends already, so anyone else at this point is gravy. I also acknowledge that live in a major city and I’m an extrovert. But as someone who was bullied often in her youth, this ease of connection certainly wasn’t innate.
Don’t be fooled
I joke that I don’t care if people like me. Of course I do. Kind of. I know I’m not for everyone, but I want most people to like me. Or at least not hate me. I don’t think I’m someone you can be indifferent about. But as I’ve honed my EQ and grown more confident in my own personality brand, I also give less effs while knowing how to foster connection. It’s literally my job! But that doesn’t mean that I’m easily able to connect with everyone (or that I want to). In fact there has been one person over the past few years that I felt very intimidated by.
Awkward much?
They say to never meet your heroes. And this woman isn’t hero status, but I thought her book was one of the best things I’ve read and masterfully was part memoir and part business book. It also made me feel very inadequate about my own writing. And I’ve used the excuse that I can’t write a book because it would never be as good as hers.
I built her up in my head even though we traveled in the same circles. And when I finally got the chance to meet her we were speaking at the same conference. So equals, right? One night at the conference she passed me in the hallway on the way to a happy hour and I said hello and while she was nice, I basically got the brush off. I can’t explain why I just couldn’t build a connection with her. But I never felt like myself in her presence.
Oh, hey there
Then a few weeks ago I was at my co-working space and she randomly walked in and came over to ask me a question. I smiled in recognition and said hi. And when she didn’t know who I was, I re-introduced myself and then she was like “OH, hi, your hair is different?” (it is, kind of) And we started chatting and something shifted. Maybe because I was in a space I was comfortable in, or maybe because I’d finally stopped caring if she knew who I was.
But it felt easy and throughout the day we kept running into each other and since we have a shared friend in common, she was like, “we have to take a selfie” and send to our friend. And now we email and she comes to the space more often and we sit together and we even discovered we love the same podcast. And it’s like all this BS I built up in my head was actually BS (duh). And she has no clue. And she shouldn’t because this is all some story I was telling myself. And likely a story we ALL tell ourselves.
And for me, who helps build connection for my job, I’m still human and I still make assumptions and we know what happens when you do that. I can still be very envious that she wrote a book I loved, and I can also appreciate it as just that. Something she wrote that I aspire to. Because she’s just a human being who’s also seeking connection. Like all of us. And the more we remember that, the more we find we can make friends as adults. Or at any age.
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